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Traditional greek mythology image

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  1. Hi Sidney!

    I am so impressed with your creative writing style! I loved how your introduction included a story to set the scene for the three other stories you are planning on writing! I think you creatively tied Greek mythology into a modern retelling of the trials and tributes of high school life. I was able to relate to Harmonia right away because I had to transfer schools when I was younger, but not to her extent. I loved how you incorporated dialogue as well, really inviting us into the story. I felt like I was right there listening in on their conversations as a student bystander. My only question was I loved the story introduction, but I didn’t give me much insight on what the other three stories were going to be about. I am curious how you are going to structure your stories. I would suggest maybe hinting to your readers your thought process to give us a little taste of what is ahead! Overall, great job and I look forward to reading your stories!

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  2. Hi Sidney!

    I really love your story! I love your usage of lots of quotes. I like the conversational tone of your story. I like how this is reminding me of a common high school book. I love a good rom com book. I wonder if that is what we will expect in the future stories. I like the mystery in your intro as well. However, I feel like I am not really getting enough information about what I will see in the future of your storybook. I think you did a good job showing your intro about the storybook in your home page. Maybe try to link that into your intro. Also, make sure to check for commas in your home page! I don't think you need the first two commas. Overall, I really enjoyed reading your intro and home page. I can't wait to read the rest of your stories!

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  3. Hello, I really like how you gave background information on what seems to be the main character of your series. That made it a little to imagine and be a part of the story. I also like how this story and potentially your next stories are going to be very relatable to many people. I think that will draw more people to your stories and enjoy them more. One thing I might add was maybe a little more background information on the cliques of the school or maybe an example of some of the drama that has happened to pull readers in. One question that I have is, is there a reason for you writing in 2nd person point of view instead of first person point of view? Overall, I am really excited to see how you are going to develop this into a series of stories and I am excited to read the rest of them.

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  4. Hi Sidney, I really enjoyed reading your story. I enjoyed how I could picture your story in my head. I liked the conversation between the two characters. It made the story flow well, and it was very easy to follow along. I felt like I was back in high school after I read your introduction! I think more foreshadowing towards the future events of the story could be really beneficial to help readers understand what might occur in the future. I wonder if Zeus’ daughter feels like she is better than most of the students, and I wonder if she will become jealous if Harmonia becomes more popular at school than she is. Could this be her downfall? I feel like there are many different ways that this story could develop, so I’m excited to see where it goes from here. I think you’re off to a good start on your introduction, good work!

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  5. Hi Sidney!
    I think it is really creative how you chose to retell the Greek mythology stories in a high school setting. This makes it more modern and relatable. I like how descriptive you were when describing the settings. It made it easy to imagine the settings they were all in. I also like the dialogue you used between Harmonia and Athena. I think it's great that you chose to tell the story in a new student's perspective. You did good job of giving us information about Athena's background. I wonder what Harmonia's background is? Are her parents also gods? Is South Greece High School only for children of gods and goddesses? I can't wait to see what you have planned next for your story book! It seems like there are a lot of directions you can go in for this story, and I can already see some foreshadowing of drama boiling up so that's exciting! Good job so far!

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  6. Hi Sidney!
    I absolutely love the concept for your project! I think it is very creative and something I have never seen done before. I think writing the story from this aspect will bring out things that were not there in the story before. I also think it will make it more interesting and enjoyable. I loved the introduction. I think it really introduced the story well and told what it felt like to be the new kid in high School, not knowing anyone and being afraid of what could be in store. It also left me wanting to know more because the main character did not know anything about Athenas dad and seemed curious about it so I am anxious to see what he finds out. In the first story I think its great how you talk about drama in it because that is such a big part of high school. I think especially with the drama being about prom it really goes into what high school is like. I also like how you show the personality of Athena and her dad and what that relationship is like.

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  7. Hi Sidney!

    I find your Storybook really creative! I didn’t realize that so many of Greek gods and goddesses were related in some way. I like how you are writing your Storybook from Harmonia's point of view. It really gives us an insight into her mind and motivations as you develop your Storybook. When I did a small amount of Greek mythology in high school, everything seemed to overlap a lot, and I don’t think I ended up learning very much during that unit. Your Storybook is so much easier to comprehend, and I think your project makes it more fun! I’m excited to be able to learn more about Greek mythology through your project.

    I love your story about Athena. I think translating the actual war of the Greek gods and goddesses into high school prom queen drama was brilliant. Every high school has its way of operation, which also brings its own tales of drama. Using a high school setting helps simplify the motivations and actions of the characters. I feel Greek mythology can seem very complex at times, and your Storybook does a great job of adding personality and creativity that I feel is missing sometimes when simply reading about mythology out of a textbook. The only suggestion I may have is possibly finding a different banner image for the homepage and introduction. It seems a little blurry, so I can’t entirely tell what piece of art it is. Regardless, this is a really good job!

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  8. Hi, Sidney. You have a really creative premise for a story. Putting the Greek gods and goddesses into a more familiar space like High School is a cool way to explore the relationships and exploits of the gods.

    I liked your intro. I feel like it gave a good introduction to both Athena and our main character. You quickly and efficiently set up the premise of your story. However, I have to admit I am not completely sold on the point of view. It just feels strange to have the reader be the main character. I think it would be really easy to change that over to a first or third person point of view if you wanted to later.

    Your first story was good. Again, you handle the characters well. I certainly feel like I'm getting to know them better. I'm still not sold on the point of view. You seemed to bleed into a bit of an omniscient view in this story. I think it may serve your story better to just accept that omniscience and use it. I'm not really sure who the narrator is either. You say it's Athena, but I didn't get that impression from reading. If I'm there with Athena, why is she telling me what happened?

    I wonder if you could break up that last big paragraph of dialogue from Athena. It's really long and full of backstory exposition. It might be easier to read and a bit more interesting if you have your main character interrupt with questions or have them doing something together while she tells this story.

    Overall, I really like your idea and the story is good. I think it just needs a bit of tightening up on the writing and a more focused point of view that serves the story.

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  9. Hi Sidney!
    I really liked your introduction and the concept that you have for this story book! You have done a good job of setting up the story, but I feel as if you maybe could add a bit more to get the drama really started at the end of Athena's story. It feels like a lot of context and setup that makes me wonder if you will be able to fit in all the drama without feeling rushed. Another thing would be to clarify if Athena lives with her other siblings or if it is just her and Hera? I say that because you would think that they would run into an unfriendly face at home if they all lived together at least once since there are so many of them. Other than that you have set yourself up very nicely and I am excited to read more. I like the way you changed the golden apple story and it made me think of all those catty high school prom movies. Hope to read more from you soon!

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  10. Hi Sidney!

    Your story and introduction flow really well together. I am a big fan of YA fiction and that read exactly like it. You have a talent in making things flow and be lighthearted when sometimes the topics are not. I say that, because I am doing the Greek goddesses too and there have been some bloody catfights and many assaults' on behalf of many different people. One thing I did notice is that there was mention of siblings but only a few were truly explained as to their importance. If they are going to be your other stories, perhaps mention them in the introduction! I do like that you tied in personality traits such as Athena being smart, but what else is she, how does she contribute to Mount Olympus or does she just live there? As for the plot lines, I appreciated the switch to a high school setting. These stories are very old timey and would hopefully not happen now but by adjusting what they were fighting over or who they were fighting over makes it interesting!

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  11. Hi Sidney :)
    I just want to start off by telling you that your Introduction and first story are fantastic! I really love how you translated it all to high school but kept the mythological and magical elements. I thought you did that very well. The way you've written this, I can totally see this as a script for a podcast or TV. Excellent job!

    Your Introduction was very engaging, and I felt I was right there the whole time. I really liked how you went with second person! I don't see it very often, and it's usually kind of hard to pull off, but you do it well. I was also pleased to find the reader is Harmonia. I thought that was an excellent goddess to pick for the new kid. The only thing I have about the Intro in the way of critique is when Athena said half the school was technically her sibling. That wording is really awkward and makes it sound like half of the school is literally her sibling. I recommend rephrasing it to something like, "half of the school consists of my technically siblings." You could also call them half-siblings.

    I really enjoyed the look into Athena's life in your story. I can't wait to read the next ones! I loved how you subbed Pheme in for Hera in the golden apple debacle. I never would've thought of her! It'll be really interesting how you deal with Aphrodite because of her relation to Ouranos, if you decide to tackle her. There are only three quick things I have in critique about your story. The first is your use of the second POV (point of view). Second person is limited, meaning the narrator can only tell what's going on internally in the "you" character. There are a few times you slip into first person (could be typos though) and omniscient. The biggest slip into omniscient is when the cloud appears in front of the reader/Harmonia. This would be fixed if you said something more along the lines of "It felt like everyone was staring at you in curiosity" or something to that effect. The third thing is just commas. Those darn things can be really tricky! Just remember to use them after a conjunction with two independent clauses and when you have a dialogue tag after a character's dialogue. (Ex: "I like purple," she said.")
    Other than those little things, I absolutely loved this! You did such a wonderful job, and you're a natural at world building without leaving too many question marks (to leave some is a good thing for the reader).

    You've done a great job. Keep it up!

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  12. Hi Sidney, there are so many aspects that I love about your storybook! In the introduction it was so well written, that I felt like I really was being told things as if it was my story. Sort of like being in a play or something where I am being given a script or directives. The way you set up my character to be friends with Athena was simple and the setting of high school made it perfect to keep up with. I think that how you set it up takes away the need for individual paragraphs describing the stories that you are going to use. In the first story I think that each change you made perfectly fit the story. I could see where the inspiration was from and it fit perfectly into the overall high school setting. Athena being the narrator while still involving the reader still works perfectly here. The only change that I can think of is the image from the first page, but only because it is so blurry. You might try editing it to to be larger proportionately and then re-adding it to the page.

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  13. Hi Sidney, I really enjoyed reading your storybook! I love the twist you placed on Greek mythology by placing it into a highschool setting. Being not too far removed from highschool, I think that this storybook is relatable to people and humerous. You did a great job of incorporating lots of dialougue into your different stories which gives a great flow and made me feel like I could visualize the conversations as if they were occuring right in front of me. Are you planning on having a conclusion page at the end that ties everything together? Your last line in the Pheme page has me wondering what will happen next? Has Athena made a new enemy? Overall, great job! I will definitely have to come back at the end of the semester to find out what happens in the end.

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